One more step

I was thinking this morning about God’s will for me. Several years ago, it was a revelation to me, embarrassingly, to discover that God’s will for all of us is to bring Him glory and that we do that by learning about Him, trusting Him, obeying Him, and walking in faith. If we do those things, we are assured not only to fulfill our purpose in this earthly life but also to be rewarded in heaven. And, as I’ve also deduced, this Christian journey will take each of us our entire lifetime to complete. As the saying goes, if you still have a pulse, then you have a purpose.

I was also thinking about the things God’s shown me over the years that I believe are part of why I’m here, what I’m supposed to be doing, and how I should use the gifts He’s given me. It’s a pretty short list, but man does it pack a punch.

• Create The Daily Dove and use it as a platform. For what? Other than to bring Him glory (which, let’s be honest, is all that needs to be known), the jury’s still out.
• To help those in ministry achieve greater success. This, I feel, is mostly done through my profession in marketing and public relations, but it’s not just directed at nonprofits or traditional ministries. I’ve been surprised and encouraged to understand that family businesses, and even corporations made of good people doing worthy things, are part of my mission.
• Learn to love like Jesus. Everyone, of course, but specifically and most importantly, myself and my family. The long game here is to break a generations-old cycle of Satan’s vice grip on my family, so that my children, and theirs, and untold future generations can live in spiritual freedom. (No pressure.)

Some of the ways that God’s reinforced (read: pulled me out of the ditch and placed me back on the path, so that I can do His thing) my purpose since I came to Christ in 2016 include:

• Giving me specific passages of Scripture. The most profound for me so far have been Ephesians 6:10-20 (The Armor of God), Psalm 91, Ephesians 5:1-2 (MSG version), 2 Timothy, 1 Samuel, and Isaiah 60
• Words of knowledge (or perhaps prophecy), including, “Great things take time.”, “Sing a new song.”, “He must do this with you.” and so many more.
• Through people. Those that come to mind include spiritual leaders and mentors, my late grandmother, my children, my husband, my parents and brother, my clients, my therapist, members at our church, and total strangers like, most recently, a woman living with her toddler in a destitute trailer.
• Through nature and animals. Crosses in the clouds and, less so but no less unmistakably, in mostly random places at random times; birds, trees (my beloved Japanese maple stands out); our 14 year-old German Shorthair Pointer Maggie; Edisto Beach.
• And through music. The old hymns like “Blessed Assurance” to modern-day worship (truly too many to list), to secular music composed and sung by bands with deeply spiritual roots like U2 and Dave Matthews.

This morning, I began, as I commonly do, fretting that I am overwhelmed as to what to do, where to start. It can’t be only me who is paralyzed in the face of divine assignments. Battling a slew of chronic disorders doesn’t help. Some days, I consider it a win just to shower, get dressed, and do a few household chores. How in heaven can I possibly be pleasing God like this, I wonder. What a profound disappointment I must be.

Too many times to count, I’ve caught myself believing that I must be positive, encouraging, and glass-half-full in order to be walking in Christ the way that I’m supposed to. I’m supposed to be a model Christian, aren’t I? Actually, no. That’s another falsity planted in me by the spirit of perfectionism. It’s only been relatively recently that it dawned on me that, if I were that way all the time, I’m pretty certain I’d be much less dependent on Him. And what could God possibly want more than for me to come to Him, drop all the faces I have created to survive in this world, and lie at His feet, raw and real? No one else on earth – not my spouse, not my parents, not my pastor, not my best friends – wants me to be real (I mean really real) all the time. Big sigh. That’s a devastating truth. The only one who can handle all of who we really are is the One who made us and ultimately knows who we will become so long as we never let go of Him. 

And so it is that I come to the cross to cry, to scream, to vent, to question, to wonder, to praise, to be silent, to release, to long to touch the hem of His garment. 

How will I allow Him to use me for His glory, to spread light in this dark world? I don’t know. I do know that it is my choice. My goal, I suppose, is to do the next right thing. One baby step today. Another tomorrow. And on good days, a brisk walk. It all adds up. It’s not about quantity, but about quality. It’s pretty pointless to question the impact of one small act over another in the eyes of God. It all counts and one day, maybe He’ll show me how all the pieces fit together. Until then, each day I wake up, I should simply pray for the strength to walk one more step.